Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize