Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
