He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
