I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
