Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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