I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
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We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
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I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You ruined the universe
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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