my phone needs a breathalizer
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
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