i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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