reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
