i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My vagina just recognized that song.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
