I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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