Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
