Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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