Yo dont text me then not text me
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Bring me that man meat
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
