do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
