I could make wine with my vomit
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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