I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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