I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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