I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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