Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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