Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
