Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
