If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
