She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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