dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
