I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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