You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
