i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize