Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
