Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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