she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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