my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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