Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
