Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
