The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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