I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
nutella sex= disaster
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
