Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
