I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
