no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize