its not stalking. its research.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
