the condom got lost in my hair
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
