yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
