Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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