I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
