WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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