did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
