Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
