i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It was confusing and full of hummus
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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