3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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