paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
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He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
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The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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