I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
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I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
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On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize