There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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