i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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