Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
