what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I have feelings that need drinking.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
