You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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