so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
