all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
