Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
