I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
