His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize