So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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