oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
