$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
