i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
