So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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