Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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