I got chris browned last night
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
