i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
