I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
