Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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