I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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