one two three fourrrrnication!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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